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Thomas Jefferson

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Thomas Jefferson (April 13, 1743 – July 4, 1826) was the third President of the United States from 1801 to 1809.

Jefferson's Press Secretary was John Quincy Ross. ("Press Secretaries Through History" from 1976 - Ron Nessen)

According to Lawrence Fleishacker, Jefferson often slept around and his wife was a man. A myth would later circulate that Jefferson was the man, and his wife was the one who slept around. ("The Real Story" from 1983 - Teri Garr)

In 1984, Christopher Guest reported on Saturday Night News that Thomas Jefferson made the least amount of trips during his administration. He made 0 trips, as opposed to Ronald Reagan's then 185 trips. ("Saturday Night News with Christopher Guest" from 1984 - Ed Begley, Jr.)

Thomas Jefferson was of white northern European heritage. This was mentioned in George Bush's third political ad, attacking Michael Dukakis for not being as white as some of the greatest Presidents. ("Vote Bush III" from 1988 - John Larroquette)

The fact that Thomas Jefferson fathered illegitimate children with Sally Hemings is well-known, even moreso than the fact that Andrew Johnson had sex with a bird. ("The History of Presidential Scandal I" from 1998 - Lucy Lawless)

In 1998, Colin Quinn reported on Weekend Update that Jefferson and Hemings' descendants wanted to be buried at the Jefferson plot in Monticello. The cemetery itself has an epithet from Jefferson that reads "Once ye go black, ye never go back." ("Weekend Update with Colin Quinn" from 1998 - David Spade)

The Thomas Jefferson impersonator at the colonial house of Paul Revere in Lexington, Massachusetts was reported to be a "total perv" by a St. Pauly girl. ("Boston Teens" from 2000 - Britney Spears)

Jefferson met Hemings while entertaining three statesmen, including James Madison, at Monticello. Hemings was the slave of his daughter Maria, and he was instantly entranched by her, as he was with all black women. The statesmen were mildy amused by Jefferson's attempt at hitting on Hemings, and he would father six children with her, even though they were never recognized by the Jefferson family. ("Thomas Jefferson Meets Sally Hemings" from 2002 - Robert De Niro)

In 2003, Jefferson signed the Declaration of Independence with Jimmy Fallon's pencil at the end of Weekend Update. ("Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey" from 2003 - Queen Latifah)

In 2005, Horatio Sanz reported on Weekend Update that the new Jefferson nickel, which featured a smile, was done so merely to indicate that Jefferson likely tapped the ass of that slave over there. ("Weekend Update with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler" from 2005 - Jon Heder)

AppearancesEdit

Preceded by:
John Adams
President of the United States
1801-1809
Succeeded by:
James Madison

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