Wikia

Saturday Night Live Wiki

Landshark

Talk0
1,097pages on
this wiki

In the first few seasons of SNL, when it was just called Saturday Night, there was a reoccurring sketch where a shark, voiced by Chevy Chase, would go knocking on doors, pretending to be a mailman or something, and it would be down the hatch when the door opens. In the first two sketches, there would be a concern by Sheriff Brody (Dan Aykroyd) and Matt Hooper (John Belushi) after each attack.

Disguises Edit

11/8/75-Candice Bergen (Jaws 2)Edit

Victim 1Edit

  • Victim: Who is it?
  • Shark: Mrs. Bragalo?
  • Victim: Who is it?
  • Shark: Plumber.
  • Victim: Plumber? I didn't ask for a plumber. Who is it?
  • Shark: Telegram.
  • Victim: Oh. Telegram. Just a moment. (Opens door and screams)

Victim 2Edit

  • Victim: Yes?
  • Shark: Mrs. Arlsburg?
  • Victim: Who?
  • Shark: Mrs. Barganuke?
  • Victim: Who is it?
  • Shark: Flowers.
  • Victim: Flowers for whom?
  • Shark: Plumber ma'am.
  • Victim: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark aren't you
  • Shark: Candygram.
  • Victim: Candygram my foot. You get out of here before I call the police. You're the shark and YOU know it.
  • Shark: Wait. I'm only a dolphin, ma'am.
  • Victim: A dolphin? Well, okay. (Opens door and screams)

Victim 3Edit

  • Victim: Who Is it?
  • Shark: Landshark.
  • Victim: Oh, Walter. (Opens door, unconvinced) Landshark. (Screams)

Candice BergenEdit

  • Candice: Who is it?
  • Man, not shark: Sorry to disturb you, ma'am. I'm from Johanna' Witnesses. I thought you might be interested in out journal, The Watchtower.
  • Candice: Why certainly. I'd be very interested.
  • Man: Uh... Would you mind opening the door, please ma'am?
  • Candice: Why sure. Just a second. (Gets a mallet, opens the door, and bonks the man in the head-she thought it was the shark!)

11/22/75-Lily Tomlin (Jaws 3)Edit

Victim 1Edit

  • Victim: Yes?
  • Shark: Mrs. Barson?
  • Victim: Who?
  • Shark: Mrs. Nay... Helner?
  • Victim: What?
  • Shark: Telephone man.
  • Victim: My telephone's okay. Who is this?
  • Shark: Are you double-parked? I think you're blocking me, ma'am.
  • Victim: I don't own a car! C'mon. Who is this?
  • Shark: Candygram.
  • Victim: A candygram! Oh boy! (Opens door and screams)

Victim 2Edit

  • Victim: Yes?
  • Brody: Patricia? It's Sheriff Brody and Matt Hooper. We got to talk to you. It's urgent.
  • Patricia: Okay. Just a moment. (gets a mallet) Come right in. (The door opens, and she hits the mallet on the sheriff's head.)
  • Matt: It's alright. Patricia, the shark thing, it's coming to the head, now. It's smart. It's VERY smart. He's killed 3 seperate women in the same building. Now, THAT'S where we got him. Stay in your apartment, and don't leave no matter what. Don't answer that door for any reason, unless it's me or Sheriff Brody. Is that clear?
  • Patricia: I think so. Yes.
  • Matt: Now, there's a special knock that only me and Sheriff Brody know. Don't answer that door if you hear this knock (Knocks three times, and then two) You got it? That's it. Okay? Okay, let's go Brody. We gotta alert the others. Come on.
  • Patricia: (She locks the door, but then hears two knocks and then three.) What is it now?
  • Shark: Uh... I left my goggles here, Patricia.
  • Patricia: Oh. Okay. (Opens door and screams)

Back at the officeEdit

  • Brody: I gotta get some people. Deputies at the entrances and exits of all the buildings. (The shark appears right behind him-he doesn't look back) I'm glad you're back. I know just how to handle this. We're going to get people together.
  • Shark: Get a posse.
  • Brody: Get a posse. That's right.
  • Shark: Surround the area.
  • Brody: Surround the area. Right. That's good.
  • Shark: Walkie-talkies?
  • Brody: Walkie-talkies. Good.
  • Shark: Maybe get some harpoons.
  • Brody: Carry some harpoons? That's a (turns around and screams)

Victim 3Edit

  • News reporter: One method commonly spoke in this area (screams)
  • Shark's voice: We invite the fish into your living room. Offer him a soda pop, and maybe some Oreos and some cookies. Just make them feel at home. And that's the news. Stay tuned for something else...I mean... Stay tuned for music.
  • Victim: Who is it?
  • Shark: Landshark.
  • Victim: Oh, landshark. Um... Come on in and have a root beer! (Opens door and screams)

Lily TomlinEdit

  • Lily: Yes?
  • Matt: It's me, Sue!
  • Lily: How do I know it's you?
  • Matt: Because I don't sound like a shark, do I?
  • Lily: (Opens door) Oh, Matt. It's so glad to see you. I feel so bad that it had to go this way. You know, you ARE so attractive to me, YOU HUNK!
  • Matt: Listen, Sue, there's no time for that now. I don't know how we can stop this thing. He's just too clever!
  • Shark: Uh... Lily, cut it please. I'm sorry. We're going to cut the sketch short. I'm afraid the scene's getting a little slow.
  • Lily: Oh, come on.
  • Matt: Can't we just finish the scene?
  • Shark: No. I'm sorry, John.
  • Lily: Look. The scene's almost over.
  • Shark: Lily, we're running too long. Why don't you say a line or something and then exit through that apartment door, there on your right.
  • Matt: Great. Just when I was getting ready to catch the shark! We have to cut the scene. Great.
  • Lily: Forget about catching the shark. (walks to the door) I can understand I'm doing it to you, but I'm the host. (Opens the door and screams, leaving only Matt in the room)
  • Matt: I turned down a job in "Cuckoo's Nest" for this!

10/30/76 Buck Henry (Cold Opening)Edit

  • Victim: Who is it?
  • Shark: Um...Trick or treat?
  • Victim: (checks watch and goes to the door) Look, It's 2:00 in the morning. Halloween's over. Now, shouldn't you be in bed by now?
  • Shark: Mrs. B...B...Balk...Mrs. Bar-Bay-Barson? Barkin? Barson?
  • Victim: There is NO Mrs...Barkin-Barson here!
  • Shark: Candygram.
  • Victim: Look, I'm all OUT of candy. I gave it all away. Now, go home!
  • Shark: Uni-UNICEF, ma'am.
  • Victim: UNICEF? Well that's different. (She opens the door and screams)
  • Shark: (Pokes his head back in and opens his mouth to reveal Chevy Chase) Live from New York, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

Around Wikia's network

Random Wiki